Relationships, the Mirror and You

A Tool for Your Reality Creation Toolbox

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have about a skill I call The Reflection in Relationships.

What in heck am I talking about? Well, let’s just say that this technique falls under the category of Reality Creation. We are creators after all. So I think it’s about time that we really begin to assemble some tools in our Reality Creation Toolbox.

Your Relationships are Filtered Through Your Consciousness

Have you ever noticed that relationships, in general, can be challenging.(Insert eye roll and chuckle) But seriously, they are. I don’t think I will receive many arguments there.

However, there is a very good reason for the challenging dynamics of interpersonal connections. Relationships hold a deeper purpose beyond friendship, love and companionship. A purpose which illuminates the source of the discord we experience. In fact, once I shed light on this innate yet not well-known truth, your daily interactions take on a whole new meaning.

And, the hidden truth is…drum roll please…

Relationships serve as a reflection of our own consciousness. They serve as a mirror for our inner world — anything within us — all of our thoughts, beliefs, perspectives or intent.

If you’re comfortable with the reflection that you’re seeing, well then, you are in a good shape. Bravo! You don’t have anything to consider in regards to your inner world. You are a self-actualized version of yourself. A master, if you will.

The Words You Say to Yourself Bounce Off Others and Stick on You

Most of us, however, are still in the process of self-discovery, healing and evolution. So, we’ll see reflections in our relationships that we would like to change.

And, anything which needs to be adjusted, healed or expanded WITHIN YOU will often smack you in the face, through the words, behaviors and interactions of other people in your life.

They are literally holding up a mirror to your consciousness and saying, ‘Look at this! Look within yourself. This is a part of you. This is something that you believe about yourself.’

And, 99% of the time, these beliefs we have about ourselves just aren’t true. They are merely thoughts that we keep thinking — often catalyzed by someone or something in our past and reinforced by our ongoing experiences— in a self-perpetuating feedback loop. It’s like a death spiral of thoughts, beliefs and experiences for which it appears there is no escape.

I remember the first time I had this in-the-moment epiphany. I was in the middle of a heated conversation with someone. The words that came out of this person’s mouth were so harsh that they stung me into this realization. In my head, I said, ‘Holy smokes! That’s how I speak to myself.’

It was a paradigm-shattering experience, yet simultaneously liberating. Because I began to really see myself creating my reality, both what I wanted and what I didn’t want, in real-time. I had a glimpse into the mechanisms behind creation. And, suddenly, I felt really powerful.

Your Nearest and Dearest Often Hold the Biggest Mirror

And, it’s usually our closest relationships which bear the greatest burden in mirroring these limiting beliefs that hold us back from becoming the highest version of ourselves.

The words that come out of other people’s mouths are YOU speaking to YOU.

Now if you understand that reality itself is a mirror for your inner world, it would logically follow that this would be the case. But, we have such emotional investment in our connections with our spouses, children, friends, relatives and co-workers, that it can be challenging to see in the heat of the moment. And, rightly so.

However, as you begin to practice observing your interactions with those closest to you, this tool can be life-changing. If you embrace this tool, you begin to master reality creation. And that is when life becomes straight-up miraculous.

The Relationship Interaction

I remember having a conversation with someone close to me that went something like this:

Someone close to me: “So, were you able to get that package mailed for me?”

Me: “No, I am sorry. I was so busy today with x, y and z, that I didn’t get a chance to do so. I will take care of it tomorrow.”

Someone close to me: “I can’t believe you, Jennifer! This is why I never ask you to do anything! I can’t trust you! You are so unreliable!”

The reaction of this person seemed a bit over-the-top, so I took some time to consider the reflection.

A belief is just a thought that you keep thinking.

The Relationship Reflection Tool in Action

Using this conversation as an example, these are the questions I ask myself:

1. Ask yourself, Is this true about me? I always first consider if the reflection (not trustworthy) has any merit. If so, not a big deal. Now I have gained some self-awareness and can make the necessary changes. But, in this case, I knew that it just wasn’t the truth.
2. Ask yourself, Could I be holding a subconscious belief that is creating the reflection? Regardless of how it appears, the words that are coming out of someone else’s mouth are often subconscious beliefs that you have about yourself, but aren’t aware that you have about yourself. This is why they are called subconscious. I know this. So, next I consider if this is a belief that I could have acquired along the way. I ask myself if my experiences could have created an imprint in my subconscious mind around trustworthiness. Is this a thought that I kept thinking until it became a deep-rooted belief and began to manifest in my relationships? And the answer for me was ‘yes’. On some level, I didn’t trust myself.
3. Practice letting go of any false sense of self. I think about the truth that we can recreate ourselves in each and every moment. I recognize that my past can only define me if I allow it to be so. I create a mantra for myself to begin to let go of this false sense of self such as, ‘No matter what I experienced in the past, I am trustworthy and capable.’ I watch myself following through on what I planned to do. I practice observing thoughts I have about myself throughout my day. And I self-correct when I find myself falling into destructive patterns.
4. Watch as you mold your reality like clay, heal yourself and your relationships, and create a more empowered you. I observe myself becoming a version of myself that I never thought possible.

This is the foundation of the process and practice I use most in identifying my own evolution, healing and path to freedom. It truly is miraculous.