The familiar agony of searing anger penetrates my heart.

Emotion explodes — spreading throughout my chest like a cancer with an unceasing appetite.

It starts in my chest but erupts like a drop of high concentration dye in a glass of water — pulsing, penetrating — until I️ can feel the pain in my toes, in my fingernails, in the ends of my hair. My pain body lights up like a Christmas tree. Hungry and waiting for more anger to feast on.

Just like everyone else, I️ am on a journey of self-discovery through the consummate teacher — relationship — and I️ know this.

Photo by Bekah Russom on Unsplash

Relationships are mirror reflections of the lessons you still need to learn. The energy, emotions and beliefs which are out of balance within you are mirrored through all interactions — especially with those people closest to you.

But when the words are released from the mouth of the person who serves as my greatest teacher, they hurt.

And although I️ know the interactions I️ have with this person are merely a reflection of what I️ still need to learn about empowerment, sovereignty and reality creation — I still sometimes feel like I️ am being burned alive by the frustration.

I still sometimes feel crippled by the onslaught of pure rage. And I️ search for stillness like someone lost and thirsty searches for a drop of water.

Because at first, I️ am rendered delirious by my fury.

But I allow the anger to burn itself out. From a roaring fire, to a blaze, to simmering embers, I observe the emotion gradually subside so that I can allow the wisdom within me to speak.

This is the conversation I have with myself to soothe anger’s ferocity and find truth:

Angry Jen: I know that person’s behavior is merely a reflection of my own imbalances. But I don’t care right now. This is torturous and unfair. I am in hell right now.

Wisdom Jen: Your perspective about this experience is valid. And on one level, everything you are feeling is warranted and based in truth. But on another, higher level, you are here to learn and that’s exactly what you are meant to do in this situation.

Angry Jen: Right, but why does it have to be so extreme?

Wisdom Jen: Consciousness or soul expansion is the purpose of the journey and the basis of all interaction. It looks and feels however it needs to — to get your attention and to catalyze inner reflection and growth. Gently practice broadening your belief systems and choosing your perspectives to continue to harness empowerment and sovereignty through all experience and interaction. This is your mission. This is the journey for all of humanity.

No-Longer-Angry-Jen: Yes, thank you, I know this. I know that when I base my emotion on someone or something outside of myself, I give away my power. And I know, that this and all interaction serves as a mirror for my own consciousness. Life is happening for me, not to me. And I will use the reflection of this experience to know myself better. To guide me, rather than cripple me. And to become more empowered and more sovereign.

And then I feel gratitude for the relationship, for the reflection, for the wisdom, for the guidance and for the often blinding beauty of divine intelligence in action.

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