We allow others to paint on our canvas.
I used to run around the house all weekend long, cleaning up the messes of everyone else.
Running a household as if no one else is accountable
I looked like a bad example of the Tasmanian Devil. You know. The brown, hairy guy who spins around like a tornado…the Looney Tunes character. Not sure if he is around anymore but you may have seen him before.
I would fly from room to room with increasing centrifugal force as if I had just gone on a Red Bull bender. Laundry, trash, vacuum cleaner, swiffer. All caught up in my tailwind.
Often I would be muttering under my breath, while the rest of the crowd was relaxing, wondering when the next meal would be served and yelling out for a drink or an iPad charger. Usually my grumbling would escalate to a few choice words about being the only responsible party in my family.
Yes, I am a mother. And, yes, I am picking up after my family— a husband and three children — but no one told me that this was my job and mine alone. As if everyone else is incapable of owning their side of the street.
As if being a family and running a household is a one-woman show.
Photo by Andy Fitzsimon on Unsplash
I believe what?!
I never intended to be this person.
But from day one of starting a family, I had it in my mind that I was supposed to do and be all things to all people.
And at some point, I convinced them of this too.
What I eventually figured out was that I had created this experience through my own self-limiting beliefs.
I had let other people paint on the canvas of my creation. It started when I was young and was reinforced all along the way as I exuded the energy of:
I am a victim.
I receive love by taking on other people’s responsibility and pain.
I am responsible for your emotions.
I should sacrifice myself so everyone else can be happy.
I am not worthy.
If you don’t know your belief systems, then you’ve got no game
I am a creator.
We all are creators. Every. Single. One of us.
We are all the sole architects of our experience.
Because I had no idea of what I believed about myself and my relationship with the world, I couldn’t effectively relate with others. Even others who are the closest to me. I unconsciously dragged self-limiting belief systems into my day to day interactions. And, reality, as the mirror reflection of my inner world complied with my thoughts and perspectives.
It’s so tempting to point our fingers at other people as the source of any strife.
But the truth is, its just not how reality works.
BELIEFS = REALITY
It may have appeared that I was a victim of a lazy and entitled family. But if I wanted to be a conscious creator — if I wanted to move from victimhood to empowerment — I had to own ALL OF IT.
CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS = CHANGE YOUR REALITY
I created the situation and I was the only person who could change it.
And that’s exactly what I did. And it’s what I continue to do in all areas of my life.
We all have beliefs we acquired along the way — we weren’t born with them — we learned them through experience. Not because we’re victims, but because it gives us the opportunity to learn what we don’t prefer, so that we can find out what we do prefer.
But they become the cog in the wheel of our relationships.