Self-Love. So what is it? What is this self-love that seems to be bandied about so frequently? And what will it do for me?
What comes to your mind immediately as a representation of self-love may be self-care. So, making sure to take care of and honor your physical body and maybe taking some time out of the day just for you…atleast that is what I had thought it was…and it is that….but it’s also more than that…much more.
Why should I love myself? Why is self-love so dang important?
That’s actually pretty simple. Self-love is a vibration. Self-love is a frequency which acts like an energetic vacuum cleaner, drawing into your life all that you desire. When you start to truly and actively integrate it in your life, you literally raise your frequency or the energetic bubble around you, which radiates and creates the reality you experience. Which brings us back to “what you put out, is what you get back”. When you learn to love yourself, and you begin to see this reflection as you progress, you see love in your reality. Life gets SO MUCH EASIER.
Okay, so other than self-care, what does it mean to love yourself? Well, this is my perspective given my own experience with this topic.
Up until a certain point in my life, I was living unconsciously. My beliefs were moving targets and situational. I did not yet know of the importance of honoring them to the degree that I do now. I did not know what aspects of life I truly valued, and could be easily swayed in the moment and by others. I did not REALLY KNOW MYSELF nor did I maintain a template, if you will, of what my beliefs were.
Okay, so how do you know your beliefs?
Well, the first place to start is actually self-awareness. And, why is that, you may ask? A big part of self-love, is living a life aligned by the beliefs that you hold. And, you cannot truly know your current beliefs, unless you observe yourself in day-to-day action. Put more succinctly, how can you love yourself if you don’t know who you are?
So, how do you become self-aware?
The ability to be self-aware starts with the desire to want to know very clearly who you are and what you stand for…what do you believe to be true about you and your world?..what are the truths and values that you live, and know that you will not compromise, regardless of the situation or the people you encounter?
Some examples of the beliefs that I live (and sometimes aspire to) uphold are:
Love in all forms, Integrity, Compassion, Forgiveness, Discernment without Judgement, Allowance, and Responsibility
We all have the ability to observe ourselves. So, once you have a general idea of these truths, in the moment and at times after, you can ask yourself “How can I act or respond or be that upholds the foundation of what I believe? Or “Did I just liveby the values I hold dear to me?”. If in hindsight, you step back and observe your behavior or reaction, or action, and you feel as though it is supportive of your current beliefs, then you move forward with a reinforced knowing that you are heading in the right direction for you. (I emphasize “for you”, because I believe that all truths are true and all beliefs are valid for the holder of them – no one can tell you what your truths are – nor do they have to be congruent with someone elses’s to be in harmony with others – we can all maintain different truths and get along beautifully, if we view “being different” as powerful.)
If in hindsight you decide that you would prefer to have handled the situation in a way that is more supportive of your beliefs, first and foremost, do not judge yourself. (Judgement is a lower vibrational energy that is not representative of love and when you judge yourself or others, the higher knowledge you need from your soul cannot be accessed, because you are unable to see the truth or path of the highest outcome through the filters of judgement – judgement holds you back and limits your perspective.) But rather, discern if you have a belief that needs to be changed, a perspective that would benefit from expansion, or a knowing that next time you will handle that situation or interaction differently. But, absolutely no judgement of yourself or others (and understand that not judging is a work-in-progress as well – it takes reminding yourself and practice ). It is all just learning to navigate your world based on a system of beliefs, that may be always evolving, but you intend to live as closely aligned to them as possible.
Responsibility… because everything in our reality, all that we experience, is a reflection of us, of our inner world, and the beliefs and vibrations we emit, the most empowering avenue and the path of your highest outcome is to take responsibility for all of it. All of your life and reality. Meaning, drop the blame game. I understand that this is a difficult hurdle because we are so programmed to believe someone else is doing something TO us…it really does feel that way. However, that is not the underlying physics of reality. Science has proven that all that we experience is a result of the energetic frequency that we hold. This energy creates a bubble or lense through which we view and experience life.
Responsibility really has gotten a bad rap. Responsibility is “your ability to respond to your reality” rather than placing blame elsewhere, which truly has no purpose or effect, other than lowering your own vibration and creating chaos in your life.
It’s not to say that if you encounter someone in a bad mood, that you are responsible for their state of being. No, that’s where the boundary ends. You are responsible for your reality in terms of the thoughts that you think, the emotions that you have, the perspective that you choose, and the choices that you make. And, everyone else is responsible for their world. For example, in the past, when I didn’t recognize how important self-responsibility was, if something went wrong in an area of my life, whereby I thought my husband could have or should have done something differently or possibly not done something at all to make it better for me or us, I would place judgement either internally, through my own thoughts, or externally, on him. Big, fat, UGH. I feel disempowered just typing that.
But, after learning the nature of realty, and understanding the underlying energetics, I now know that no one can do anything TO you. I now know that if I truly want to shape my reality to my highest joy, I must own all of it, without expectation of rescue from anyone else.
Forget about the way it used to be. Forget about what someone promised or your expectations were. Just own all of it, so that you can take back your power, and create what YOU want from this point forward without revisiting and resurrecting the past and the perceived “mistakes” that you or anyone else made.
You cannot make mistakes. You just experience what you don’t prefer to guide you to what you do prefer. I am not making this assertion because I don’t want you to beat yourself up (although I don’t, in fact, want you to be hard on yourself), but rather because viewing the past through the lense of regret is also a lower vibration, which limits your joy. And, after years of my own research and introspection, it is my truth, belief and understanding that the “mistakes” are why we are here.
In a world of duality, which has light and dark and all gradations in between, the shadows are what define the light.
So, I believe, very simply, that we are here to evolve our soul. And, our main methodology for learning is experiencing what we don’t prefer to lead us in the direction of what we do. And, as we own our entire life, face our perceived “darkness”, and move beyond the shadows from the perspective of learning – we become invincible, untouchable, unshakeable and filled with peace.
So now, I take total responsibility for every aspect of my life that is under my influence. And I wouldn’t change a thing. I view all that I experienced in the past as a tool to enhance the understanding I am creating of myself.
In regards to my previous and current interactions with my husband, I know that I had and have the gift of choosing what is best for myself, regardless of what he chooses. If our choices are not aligned, then I have the power to create the reality which I prefer, and his choices are irrelevant. And, not from the perspective of anger that we don’t agree or that he should be different in some way, but isn’t.
Yes, marriage is a partnership but all of our experiences are for emotional and soul growth, and if your spouse is not providing you with something that you need, it’s a clear signal that your soul, which is you but from a higher perspective, wants you to embrace what is, own your power, and give whatever it is to yourself. How else can you know your true strength if it isn’t tested? And not from a place of victimhood, but rather from a position of empowerment.
From my experience and perspective, this is exactly how different relationships in your life move you along the path of soul growth. Now more than ever, because humanity is evolving it’s emotional maturity and consciousness – we are growing up – you will find yourself confronted with these sometimes initially daunting but always for your highest good, opportunities to grow to the next level of self-worth and self-awareness. There are no accidents. We each create our own entire reality. No one else. And this is one of the biggest lessons that we are learning now.
Often, I find, that these opportunites require decisions on my part to provide for myself that which my husband (or whomever) was previously providing. However, this is my path and my highest destiny to experience. I am steadfast in the understanding that I can give to myself everything that I need to thrive.
And, if I maintain alignment with my beliefs, own all of my life, and view everything from the perspective of love, my reality will reflect that vibration. Remember, self-responsibility applies to emotional needs as well. If you need love, compassion or forgiveness, give it to yourself first, and then when you aren’t looking for it outside of yourself, it will be there. It always is. The mirror of reality always give you what you give yourself.
Self-responsibility not only empowers you to give yourself what you need and create your entire life, but also lets you off the hook for taking on the burden of others’ lives and emotional needs. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love and honor them, and show them compassion for their challenges. But those challenges and feelings aren’t your responsibility, they are theirs.
So, all of this brings us full circle back to self-love. This is the overall process of discovering your beliefs through self-awareness, living aligned with your truths, and taking total responsibility for your life that brings you to the destination of empowerment and self-love. Which, in turn, brings you to a life that you love. Once again the mirror is in play.
This process has been instrumental and supportive in my own journey of empowerment and really a total life transformation. Know yourself through an ongoing awareness of and alignment to your beliefs. Empower yourself by taking responsibility for your ENTIRE life. The whole kit and kaboodle. And, very quickly, as you know and honor who you truly are, it becomes very easy to love yourself, because you know what you stand for, you live it every day and you feel really sound in your decision-making and choices.
An excellent vision or analogy for the process is imagining a Broadway play, where you are both the star, as well as the audience. You observe this character perform the play of life from both perspectives. As you go about your day, you make decisions and choose with the knowing that you are the star, and yet you also observe the star from the view of neutrality. If you were watching the play from the audience, you would not have that strong pull to judge behaviors or choices or resist the challenges that the character faced or faces. You are also the observer or the audience. Whatever you experience would have less emotional charge.
In any moment that you feel some form of fear, which is the basis of anger and frustration as well, switch to the perspective of the audience or observer and see the entire picture from broader perspective, without judgement. Decide how the star could interact with the other characters or which choices the star could make which are most highly aligned with your current beliefs and for your highest outcome. Either base your decisions on these beliefs or see from this higher perspective that expansion of your ideals might benefit you and choose different truths.
You are literally molding and fine tuning the beliefs and life of this star but from a higher perspective without the filters of fear and judgement. Eventually you observe the star, which is also you, as a person who has the courage of conviction, the alignment with a consistent belief system, the humility and strength to not judge self or others, and the empowerment of owning all experiences and facets of life without the projection of blame. And you fall in love with this character because you admire them. You love your beliefs and choices. You know that your past “mistakes” were leading you to a better now and an extraordinary tomorrow.
You are the star. You are love. And love is the answer. Love, the vibration which transforms your reality, is the answer.